Angels

Halle has to angel cousins who have deeply impacted this pregnancy. My angel nephew Aiden was born sleeping on August 13th, 2010 just over a month before we found out we were pregnant. My angel nephew Shane was born September 9th, 2010, just weeks before we found out about Halle. Shane was born with a heart defect, he endured an incredible heart surgery hours after he entered this world. He was a fighter and fought all the way through surgery; however, his little heart had difficulty with the recovery. Both boys were perfect and the most beautiful baby boys I have ever seen. Both of the boys have the strongest sets of parents I have ever met. They have endured one of the worst things a person could experience in this life and they have all done it with such grace. They are amazingly strong people and have and continue to do a great job of keeping their amazing boys memories alive. I know that we (Arce and I) will never ever forget them and I know many of my friends and family feel the same way.

The loss of both of boys were two huge blows for Arce and I, obviously not the extent to which it effected their parents. We were heart broken for a number of reasons 1. We lost our nephews and 2. it was extremely hard to stand by and watch our two sets of best friends endure such pain. It is likely one of the most helpless positions to be in.  Some of the most important people in our life were in tremendous pain and there was absolutely nothing that we could do or say to ease the pain at all. And then weeks later we find out that we are pregnant. In different circumstances finding out you are pregnant is one of the most exciting days of your life and I will never say that I wasn't so excited and oh so very surprised when I found out I was pregnant but I would be lying if I say I wasn't totally conflicted. We were in the full throws of mourning the loss of our nephews, my mind didn't know how to process the information for a good couple of weeks. In addition to being filled with sadness and joy at the same time, I was terrified at the idea of telling our friends our news. I was scared out of my mind that our news would make their pain so much worse. The last thing we wanted to do was hurt them.  I know our news was not the easiest pill to swallow for our friends especially considering the timing but we have amazing friends who have loved and supported us through their grief. They are amazing friends and we are so lucky to have them.

But that is not what this post is about. This post is about how these little boys' short lives have deeply impacted mine/ours.  As much as the reality of things has increased my worry and fears during this pregnancy, these little ones have taught me one of the most important things. They have taught me what a blessing it is to be pregnant. I can be honest that I was like many young women out there who believed I was in complete control of my life. That when I wanted to get pregnant I would and everything would go according to my plan. Women who think "I don't want to get pregnant because I don't want to get fat..don't want to give up my wine yet.... don't want to have crazy break outs...I can't give up my freedom...my weekends..etc." My view on all of this has changed drastically. I have since participated in conversations with women who continue to feel this way and I just want to shake them and scream in their faces that NOTHING in this life is guaranteed! All of those things that they are not willing to "sacrifice" are 100 times worth sacrificing in order to bring another precious life into this world and they would be extremely lucky to be  able to do so.  They have taught me that just because I am pregnant right now does not mean that I am guaranteed a baby to take home in the end, that being said, I have appreciated every single milestone and moment of this pregnancy. I am not perfect and I get hormonal and I complain but I have done everything in my power to appreciate all of my time with Halle. Life is short and our time together does not just start when she enters this world.  Every kick and every movement, I try my very best to cherish.  Life cannot be taken for granted.

These little boys have made a bigger impact on the lives of those around them than most of us will in our life time. We love and miss Shane and Aiden deeply. I have both of their pictures on our fridge and up at work. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about them and their parents. They will live in our hearts forever and we will never forget them. I look forward to sharing our memories of Shane and Aiden with their future cousins and brothers and sisters.

ALSO! It's important to spread the word about Infant and Pregnancy Loss and Congenital Heart Defects awareness. Both are extremely worthy causes and causes that are not talked about enough!

Learn more about Aiden's story by visiting his amazing Mother's blog: Expectationsrevised.blogspot.com

Learn more about Shane's story by visiting his amazing foundation's website:
Shanesheart.org